Out with stereotypes!
It’s time to realize we’re not part of a story written by someone else. We don’t have to fall into the perfect stereotype of our gender, age, marital status, religion, sexual preference, profession or nationality.
How many times have we heard the classic, “if you didn’t get married by the time you were 30, you’re already a spinster”? Or … don’t you study a lot because you’re going to scare any prospects away and you’re going to be left alone?” Here I share some examples of these myths and pressures of life and how to fight them.
- Marry young, otherwise you’ll enter the Spinster Club
It’s proven that maturity helps you choose better your partner. As long as you decide that’s what you want. Remember that not necessarily all people are better as a couple. It’s your decision and nobody else’s.
- Don’t study much because you’ll scare any prospects away, and you’ll never get married.
Totally fake! If you want to be a woman prepared it’s for you and because of you only, not to get a partner or to please anyone. If this is your case, throughout your preparation you will surely be surrounded by people whom you admire and who admire you. Your life will be full of intelligent conversations because prepared people are attracted to each other. If it’s about sharing your life with someone, remember that what never ends in a relationship is admiration.
On the other hand, consider that men who don’t want a thinking, prepared and intelligent woman are men who surely are not on the list of people you’d like to be with.
- Biological clock. Quickly have children, or time will soon be up!
Having children is a great thing. It’s a wonder you must plan with great care and maturity, because it implies an enormous responsibility. That’s something that must be planned carefully by the couple; it’s not something that you must do you “because it’s about time”. It’s worth deciding not to have them. This is the most important decision that the woman must make. A child can’t be returned, it’s a responsibility that demands a lifetime commitment, and doesn’t have a cancellation clause.
So, choose very wisely whom you want to be your life partner and who you want to be the example for your children. Age is not as decisive as it once was, so you can think if you’re ready to be a mom. If you prefer to have them at an older age, now there are many ways to achieve it. With advice from medical specialists you can have your eggs frozen.
- Choose: your professional life or your personal and professional fulfillment.
Completely false! Of course you can balance your life. Remember that we’re famous for being “multitask“. I’m not saying it’s easy but of course it’s possible. I’m going to talk about some tips that helped me achieve it:
– I always say that at work we’re required to give 100% as if we did not have a family, and at home we are asked to commit ourselves to give 100% as if we didn’t work. The problem is not what’s asked of us, but what we accept.
– 100% is a total. That means that there is no 200% and when we give in to that demand we know that we will fail on both sides. When failing another problem happens: we feel guilty … a very common feeling among women and a big mistake!
– It’s acceptable and humane to suddenly deliver something out of time, fail at a meeting or work, pick up a child late or not having materials at home for their homework. It is absolutely normal, so the problem is not that sometimes we fail: what we must achieve is to give the best of ourselves without feeling guilty about what we couldn’t achieve.
– Children imitate what they see. If your children are women, they’ll want to achieve the goals they set. They ‘ll learn to be jugglers to balance their lives, they’ll be leaders and an example in their home. If they’re men, they’ll encourage their partner to be better, to achieve their goals and they will not have a ‘macho’ attitude or behavior.
Being an example means having a life project of your own. There’s nothing worse than living through the lives of your children or living for your partner. Everyone should have an independent life project, so they complement each other without suffocating.
- To be taken seriously in the workplace you must act as a man.
Another lie! We must live our gender proudly. It’s a great privilege to be a woman and act as a woman. This is our best weapon; one so powerful that only us have: to be intelligent, enter, firm in our decisions, and at the same time being very feminine. This combination disarms anyone.
Don´t forget. We should never be a victim of our gender, nor try to be what we are not. On the contrary, it’s time to behave with pride, to show off what we have and to be feminine!
- Finally, the famous sentence: Just sit there and look pretty!
First serious error of this sentence: we are not interested in being only “pretty”. We want to be successful, leaders, intelligent, capable, and why not? Also be sensitive; a virtue that makes us unique. I assure you that after all these qualities, the “pretty” part is totally secondary.
Second mistake and the most worrisome point of this saying: we must talk, we have to give opinions and intervene. It doesn’t matter if we’re wrong. Do you believe that men are not wrong? The difference is that they intervene again and again and if they make a mistake, nothing happens.
We intervene or give our opinion only when we’re 100% sure that it is correct. This is a serious error if it’s a work related or family petition. But if the situation is much more delicate and the difference between talking or staying quiet means stopping someone who is abusing you, whether physically, verbally, psychologically or morally, talking is not only important, it’s a duty. In any situation of violence, the offender’s best friend is the victim’s silence.
Being the architect of your life means being proud of who you are, even if it means that some people won’t agree. The lead of your life is in your hands. It’s time for you to take it.